Workaholism: Hazards and Benefits

Years ago when I was a yoga teacher, I was facilitating a class in meditation and was looking around to see how people were doing. One person in the class looked completely freaked out, distracted, and utterly puckered up. Tight. Resisting with every fiber of her being. I walked over to her, and whispered, "Are you okay?" She shook her head and said, "I'm so scared that if I let go, the devil will come in."

Now, maybe that sounds extreme to you. Maybe you don't believe in the devil. But I think there is a metaphor here for what I think many people believe: if they get still or quiet with themselves long enough, they're going to figure out that deep down, they've got some bad stuff going on. We'll figure out we're depraved. We'll figure out we're awful. But here's what I believe, and listen to me closely: it's not what's in the empty space that's giving us the problems: it's the all fear and the running away from it that screws us up.

Good News!

Here's the good news: if we face that fear, it transforms everything. And meditation is daily practice for facing your worst fears. You sit, every day, with the clutter of your thoughts. Instead of choosing to run from your fear, you decide to approach it with curiosity, befriend it, transform it. It no longer has power over you. Because believe me, if we can all face our worst fears about ourselves, the state of the economy starts to look like small potatoes.

Sitting Still With Yourself

Think about it: if every person on earth were able to sit down and look at themselves honestly, gain an understanding and say, ok, here's the stuff I've done that I'm not happy with. Here are the parts of me that are ugly. Here's how I've hurt others, and I'm going to have humility and ask for forgiveness. Here are the moments when I am scared of being alone and don't know how to ask for reassurance, and strike out instead. Here's where I was sad, but reacted with anger because I hate feeling helpless. Here is where I've been afraid that my life might be meaningless, and I've reacted by running from that fear with workaholism, or eating too much or staying busy or simply giving up. Here's where I've been hateful or mean or thought embarrassing thoughts. Here's where I've tried to gain power over others because I'm scared. Here's the part of me that is really scared, deep down, that when I die, I will be alone and no one will remember me. Here's the part of me that fears that no one loves me who I really am. Here's the part of me that fears that I don't even know who that is some days.

Think if everyone could do that and then (here's the best part) they could forgive themselves. They could say, OK, I have this stuff, and it's not perfect, but it's just part of being human. I did the best I could with the understanding I had at that moment. Now I have more understanding, so I'm going to try to do things differently. I might screw up, but I'm willing to say it (and forgive myself again). And since everyone else is human too, I'm going to forgive them as well. When people get angry or scared or sad, I'm going to remember how it feels to be that way, and I'm going to feel compassion for them. I'm going to remember that everyone, everyone, on earth is in exactly the same boat I am, in feeling conflicted and confused and scared at times.

Think about it-what would happen if we weren't scared of ourselves any more. What could we do? What relationships would we end if we weren't afraid of being alone? What bad habits would go away if we didn't have to numb our selves from ourselves?

Could The World Be Different?

I think that everything and everyone on earth would be different. I'm going to make a bold statement. I believe that even Dick Cheney could be transformed if he were willing to face his pain and his demons and atone for the ways in which he has caused suffering in the world (it's a big IF, of course). These are strong words from me, as I have been known to refer to him as the vortex of evil embodied in human form.

Meditation is practice for sitting with yourself. The good, the bad, the ugly, it's all there. It's nothing elaborate. You don't need to wear patchouli or burn incense or sit in the lotus pose. You can sit or lie down. You can be quiet or you can listen to music. You need only a willingness to risk facing what you might find when you tune in.

Heather Jassy, MA CCC, is a personal coach, therapist, and founder of Empty Space Coaching.